...

Chapter Nine

Like an illness, Nikola’s pain rushed through me and burned through every part of my body mercilessly. While my heart slammed into my ribcage like a furious bull, I wondered how she could have put up with such agony for so long. It was unfortunate that initially my helping hand made no difference to her psyche and all that truly happened left us both in torturous grief.
Thankfully, my intervention proved successful within a matter of a week and for the first time during the spark of my assignment, I witnessed Nikola’s genuine happiness. I felt as though I finally fulfilled my destiny, serving my human to the best of my abilities. As she continued to blossom I stood by and protected her, despite the pain that ravaged my body tirelessly, pain that I kept secret from her. Diligent may the ache have been, I was equally if not more assiduous against it; I refused to let Nikola down now.
The relief from her previously known suffering allowed Nikola to be who she was meant to, opened doors for her success, granted her to identify with her soul completely. It was such an amazement that she even hid her sexual orientation, even from herself.
“Why would you see this as something bad?” I asked her one morning as she dressed, eager to celebrate her first Gay Pride parade.
“Because… people get harassed for it. It’s seen as something sinful and perverted.” She muttered, fumbling with her necktie in silent frustration.
“What! I can’t believe that for a minute!” My voice rose in disbelief. Stepping behind Nikola, I slipped my arms around her body to aid in the struggle against the tie. “It’s common in the Alter Realm… not a bit different from being heterosexual.”
“Seriously? Can I live there?” She grinned in satisfaction at the perfect knot I tied, running a hand down the length of the neck apparel. “Thanks, Thalia.”
“Anytime.” I whispered, stepping back to watch her.

I practically drowned her in questions on the way to Loring Park, a large commons where the Gay Pride is held annually. Although she answered none, I was far too incredulous to accept that homosexuality was frowned upon here in the Human Realm. Nikola was drilled during the duration of the car ride downtown by her mother and I, but I could feel her excitement and jitters bubbling inside as she gazed intently out of the window.
“Well, call me when you’re ready to come home.” Nikola’s mother watched her closely, a look mixed with worry and pride plastered over her face.
“Okay, thanks. See you later.” Was Nikola’s soft reply, sliding out of the passenger seat and turning away as the car rolled off in a dawdled pace.
“Your mother is accepting.” I took note audibly. Nikola only nodded a bit before trekking down the slope of the hill we stood upon, her eyes widening at the number of people who were crowding the grounds of the park. Quickly I followed after her, my own heart racing in response to her mounting exhilaration.
We rounded the entire park twice, following the winding sidewalks and peeking at every booth. Although Nikola was increasingly sidetracked by all the hullabaloo, I noticed on both occasions of passing by a cubicle for a GLBT oriented choir that an exquisitely beautiful young woman allowed her eyes to linger, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.
“Oh look, a choir Nikola. Let’s take a look?” I thought myself clever when I stepped off the sidewalk and into the grass, towards the smiling beauty. When Nikola followed me slowly, I could only chuckle to myself at how dense my poor human was; even when the girl admiring her greeted her with vibrant energy, Nikola seemed to have absolutely no clue.
“Welcome! You like to sing?” the girl asked, smiling brightly.
“Oh… I guess? I mean I’ve never done anything outside of singing alone, to myself…” Nikola, finally entranced, mumbled shyly. Sweat beaded along my brow and slicked my palms, however I knew it was not the summer heat that warmed me.
“Maybe you should sign up… we’ll contact you and you could give us a little audition.” The way the girl’s voice dropped seductively made both Nikola and I shiver. “What’s your name?”
“Um… it’s Nikola…”
“I’m so glad to meet you, Nikola,” the girl smiled brightly once again. “I’m Lihua.”

Chapter Ten

Lihua had quite the hold on Nikola. In fact, I grew to resent her, knowing if she should ever hurt Nikola, I would be to blame. She would be thrown out of sorts each and every time Lihua would call or leave her one of those text messages humans like to share with their cellular phones and I was included in her tizzy, becoming extraordinarily lightheaded with a stomach full of energized butterflies.
However, with each moment of bliss came an equal moment of sorrow; Lihua wasn’t single as was the preliminary thought. Many conversations surrounded her relationship with her girlfriend, how she felt betrayed one moment yet was so in love at the next. Needles stung Nikola at the mention of Zoey, Lihua’s beloved. It angered me to no end how manipulative this girl was! Once again I was plagued with the dark feelings I encountered when I dwelled in the Light Chamber and Nikola’s feelings of anger, sorrow and betrayal only made the darkness stronger.

“I just wish I knew what she wants from me…” Nikola sighed, pacing her room. Outside, it rained heavily with an occasional flash of lightning followed by a powerful crack of thunder. I frowned.
“Don’t let her make a puppet out of you. I’m worried.”
“You don’t understand, Thalia. I feel like I can’t go without—” Nikola was ready to vent, I could tell, however she was interrupted by the ring tone of her phone. It was Lihua.
“Hello?” Her voice was eager as she answered and the way her face displayed concern let me know that Lihua was only calling because she needed Nikola to do something for her. “Where are you?”
“No, Nikola!” I tried to dissuade her. It was too late for that, Nikola was already out into the hallway and rushing down the stairs. Darting after her down the stairs, through the dining room and into the living room, I reached out to grab her arm.
“Stop, Nikola! You can’t—”
“Please try to understand, Thalia!” Nikola pleaded, yanking open the front door and rushing out into the thunderstorm.
Standing at the door, I didn’t know what to do. There was a heavy nagging in the back of my skull that told me this would only lead to disaster. I sighed, reminding myself tersely that it was not my place to give my human any counsel. With a deep breath, I bound out into the night to follow Nikola’s path.

We had reached the parkway just a few blocks from Nikola’s home in a short amount of time. Soaked to the bone, we searched in attempt to find Lihua, but the rain and darkness cast a veil over everything that was difficult to see through. Right as I planned to bring Nikola to her senses, she cried out in relief.
“I see her!!” Nikola called to me before darting towards the thickest tree, in the middle of the plane of grass. I said nothing and ran after her, hoping this would benefit for something.
“Li!” Nikola shouted over the boom of a deafening thunderclap. The other girl sat with her back pressed into the trunk of the tree, shivering and drenched.
“Oh, Nikola…!”
“Are you fucking insane, you can’t sit under a tree when it’s raining like this!” Nikola pulled Lihua to her feet and attempted to pull her back.
“No, Nikola I can’t… don’t do that, okay?” Lihua begged, trying to pull away. This angered Nikola, which in turn angered me.
“Then what do you want?! What the hell do you want from me?!” Nikola screamed. “I’m not your goddamn puppet!” I realized at that point, being connected with Nikola, I wasn’t just affected by her emotions alone, she experienced mine as well.
“What? Where did you get that from?!” Lihua demanded, shocked and slightly angry.
“You! The way you treat me! I want to be something more than just… than just a quick fix!” Nikola backed away and when I touched her arm, her skin burned despite the cold rain that rolled down her skin. After a moment of long pause Nikola finally gave up, turned around, and walked back home with me following behind her like an obedient hound.

...

5 Words

Sitting here looking into your eyes

as you cry is difficult knowing I'm

the reason why your tears won't

dry.

But I won't take back what I

said, you have the wrong image 

in your head, when I told you

there were five words you got

so cold and full of dread as though

your soul had been shot dead.

Take a minute to breathe, I'll

explain it one time through;

I didn't mean "It's not you, it's me"

but rather "I'm in love with you".

...

I never got around to posting anything yesterday or thursday - could it be my procrastination and lack of motivation is starting to get to me once again? Blah. 

Bloodlust

Your excitement brings bright pigment 

to your skin, brings delight for the

arousal you've stumbled in, thus heightens

sensitivity around my senses and when I

touch you, the transformation begins.

Each time you breathe your chest

heaves and heart beats at intense 

speeds, sending waves of heated agitation

through me and I can't be completed

until I feed; take heed, your body's

vibrations are all I need for

initiation to this luscious deed.

This bloodlust makes a monster of me,

thoughts of 'I want her' long for reality,

my fangs plunge deep and I must drink

 for it has become necessity.

Blood makes your neck slick and 

I lick it up quick, I wish not to

waste a drip. I sweep my tongue

across my lip to finish the last of

it; this euphoria fits and soon I feel

high and higher, overcome by a

vampire's dire desire... 

...

Chapter Seven

A sea of nausea washed over me in vicious tides from the journey to the Human Realm. The path was much like a wind tunnel, pulling me through vehemently and allowing absolutely no possibility of turning back. While within, time seemed to stretch on endlessly and though I am not entirely certain of just how much actually progressed, it felt as though days had crawled by before I reached the Realm of humans.
I stood alone in a dark, trashed, and frigid room; the curtains had been drawn and I was taken aback to see that every light bulb had been taken out of their respective sockets and smashed to pieces upon the tarnished, dull, blue-green carpeted floor – or whatever part of the floor that wasn’t completely covered in articles of clothing, art supplies, books, etc. The room was quite large, however, there was a queen-sized bed pushed against the south wall that claimed a good amount of the floor space. The walls were painted in a feminine lavender hue; I contemplated a minute about the choice of color scheme. Without further deliberation, I crossed the floor charily, hopping over pencils and t-shirts, shattered glass and graphite shavings until I reached the bed where I immediately collapsed. My body swayed about as the bed sloshed and rippled and I grinned in silence until I whispered to myself, ‘A water bed…’.
I began to wonder about the location of my human when abruptly the door swung open with wild force and in stormed a young woman, looking to be the age of sixteen. Startled, I sat up, my heart racing lightly until I willed it to calm.

“Who the fuck are you?!” The human demanded in a shout, and I took her in slowly. Deep chocolate-brown hair, slightly golden-tan skin and hazel eyes with the smallest amount of a grey tint – as far as descriptions go, this was my human.
“ Who am I? I’m your friend! You can call me Thalia.” I offered with the warmest smile. The girl scoffed.
“I don’t have any friends…” Slipping the book bag off her shoulders, she shuffled through the debris that dominated her floor and flopped face first upon her bed. “… Name’s Nikola.”
“Oh, surely you have friends, Nikola.” I insisted while continuing my observation of her. Her style of dress was depressing: over sized clothes that hid her body from any discovery and deprived her of compliment opportunities. Her aura, dead as it was, screamed low self-esteem and self-hatred, but most of all it cried out for companionship. I realized now why I had been assigned to her.
“I really don’t.” Her words came out flat, muffled by her pillows.
“You say that now. I’ll make a bet with you,” I tugged on the bagginess of the tent of a hoodie she wore. “I’ll find people among your peer group that consider you a friend. If I do, you have to promise me you’ll open up a bit. Deal?” There was a long silence between us as I sat staring at her, waiting for her response. Groaning, she rolled onto her side and peered into my eyes with the slightest irritation, however, the emotion of hope glimmered powerfully over her moodiness. Something was strange between us, though; she looked at me as if the two of us had met beforehand.
“Seriously, who the hell are you… are you like a ghost or something?” With this, she reached out slowly and cautiously, poking me hard about the shoulder. “An angel? The devil…?”
“I promise, I’m nothing more than a friend. I’m here to help you…” As I rubbed my shoulder I stared at her, her deportment growing stranger by the second. “What makes you think I’m a ghost, angel or demon?”
“Because you keep showing up in my dreams.”

Chapter Eight

Every time I believed that I had made steps forward regarding my friendship with Nikola, she proved that this would not be an easy task. She was increasingly morose no matter the circumstance and nothing I said or did would amend this. Matters were only made worse by her acute mood swings, ranging from the lowest of lows to the highest highs. I was a failure as a friend to her, as I was failing the Alter Realm.
“I wish I was of use to you…” I sighed to her one morning while trailing her to school. The air was crisp yet warm as it had just begun to creep into the summer season merely a month prior. Digging her fists deep into the pockets of her jeans, Nikola tilted her head slightly to look at me.
“What do you mean by that?” Her voice was a whisper; her volume decreased with her will to live, just as the color in her eyes and cheeks faded more and more with the passing days.
“I mean I wish I could take your pain away from you. I want you to be happy.”
“Happiness is an illusion people want to believe in, even if it was only made up. It’s false… like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.”
“Santa Claus?” I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion.
“Never mind…” Nikola sighed heavily, the school just peeking into view.

After relentless pleading, she at last allowed me to have my first experience of human school. She was bewildered that I wished to be subjected to the stresses she had constantly, arguing as adamantly as I until she grew tired of my pleas. Calculating the likelihood of my presence holding a detriment to her, it would seem the odds were in my favor – this would be the last week of school, which consequently meant little to no disadvantages.

Within the walls of the school, it was terribly muggy, noisy and crowded with the most human beings I have ever seen held in one area. Many were shouting down the length of hallways, running freely, lingering in doorways of classroom or lounging upon the staircases. I was immediately overwhelmed and we hardly stepped further than the foyer!
“You see now,” Nikola muttered to me under her breath. “Why I hate this place?”

Throughout the course of the day, I was Nikola’s shadow, following her from class to class, amazed at how diverse the Human Realm was proven to be. There were no chambers to segregate elements, no beasts to patrol corridors – albeit there were what the human youth called the hall monitors within the school to ensure no cutting of class – and no wandering doorways. Here in the Human Realm, I felt alive as though I never knew the true meaning of the term.
It was around two thirty in the afternoon that the intensity of the school’s atmosphere increased dramatically. Each time I found myself spying on Nikola’s actions, her eyes would drift towards the clock, linger a moment, then drop to her desk in dismay.
“You seem very uncomfortable.” I murmured softly. She didn’t offer any reply to me, in fact she refused to look in my direction. Earlier in the day, this came as a shock to me that I had suddenly ceased to exist to her, however, at this point, it had become familiar.
“… You said this morning that you wished you could take my pain away.” She whispered suddenly, her eyes still glued to a spot on her desk.
“Yes? What about that?”
“Is it possible…?”
“Only if you want it to.” I watched her, recognizing the appearance of vacillation in her expression. “I’m here for your benefit, Nikola.”

The bell rang for the release of school and students flew out of their seats to rush the door. Nikola, however, stayed in her seat, still burning the spot on her table with her gaze.
“I want your help…” She whispered, clutching the sides of her seat tightly. 

It wasn’t until now that I realized how deep her pain truly was.

...

Chapter Five

Gradually, Lyssa and I became close; I like the caring older sister and she like the imitating younger. Each day I taught her the technique of painting while she eagerly took heed, and when the evening came about we sat either beneath the willow tree – which I had begun calling my willow tree as it would seem I was the only alter that gave it attention, besides Lyssa and, previously, Lillith – or at the foot of the hill just outside the sunflower field. Contrary to my reclusive temperament, Lyssa was very talkative which was quite all right by me since this meant I would have no need to search for conversation topic. There was always something she had to talk about and the emotion in her tone was never in short supply. I truly wondered how a relatively new alter would have so much to say, unless she happened to be a remade alter with tiny remnants of the life she lived previously.
However, all dialogue stopped for the viewing of the sunset; we had an unspoken agreement that no words should interfere with the sun’s exit performance. One night, I sat beneath my willow tree and Lyssa stood – she’d been rather energetic all day – while the sun slowly crept below the horizon. All day I was reminiscent of my time with Lillith, every little thing reminding me of what we shared. Even when Lyssa turned quickly to smile at me in appreciation for the beauty of twilight, was reminded of Lillith and her comparable love for sunsets.

“Thalia?” Lyssa spoke once there was just a thin line of light above the horizon. “You look sad.”
“Do I? Forgive me… I’ve been remembering someone all day.” I sighed while rising to my feet. Lyssa knitted her brow together in thought, then stepped closer to me.
“Who?”
“Someone important.”
“Obviously, but who?” It seemed either she would accept no hints that I preferred not to talk about the matter, or she couldn’t grasp that fact. Reluctantly, on my way down the hill, I told her.
“Her name was Lillith. We spent much time together and I loved her, as she loved me… however, she was assigned so… now I am alone.” Lyssa paused from following me and grumpily placed both hands on her hips.
“Alone? Alone? What about me!” She inquired, sounding genuinely offended.
“Well,” I chuckled, “Not truly alone, but without love.”
“That’s not true, either. I love you, Thalia.” This time I paused and Lyssa ran the small distance that had come between us to stand at my side. I stared down into her eyes from my extended height before moving a hand in to tousle her hair. It was something I did often, so this time she caught me before I had the chance.
“I know you do, Lyssa. But I mean love in a romantic sense.”
“Oh, right, right. You’re into that sentimental, can’t-live-without-you type of love.” She teased. Although she easily quipped in my expense, something in her eyes put me off.

Chapter Six

When the day of my assignment came, I initially kept it a secret from Lyssa. Together, we went along with the normal routine of the day, however I was unable to keep the news of my assignment concealed from her; it was as if they had written the information upon my face.
“Did you think I wouldn’t have found out…? You were going to leave without saying goodbye, weren’t you?” Lyssa cried, unable to refrain from pacing.
“I hadn’t given it much thought…” I could only mumble, feeling much like a jerk for giving consideration to the thought of simply vanishing from Lyssa’s life without a word. After that we said nothing to each other; Lyssa couldn’t even look at me.
“Please try to understand… see it from my standpoint. Wouldn’t it have been easier for me to just leave…? Goodbyes are hard enough as it is…” I watched Lyssa for a moment in attempt to determine whether or not she understood my rationalization. When she looked at me with tear-filled eyes, I still couldn’t guess if she had a grasp on why I planned on leaving unnoticed to her, but I could tell that it pained her deeply.
I said nothing when I pulled her into my arms, hugging her tightly to comfort her sorrow. Her face became buried in my shoulder and I felt the warm dampness of her tears. Before now, it never dawned on me that Lyssa had developed such a strong connection with me – yes, I had grown fond of her but in the back of my mind, Lillith still had control over everything I did.

“Thalia.” The voice was stern and slightly impatient and I already knew before turning to see who it was that the time to leave was upon me. Lyssa clutched me tightly, refusing to let me step away from her. She then murmured inarticulately into my shoulder and clasped her hands at the middle of my back, tensing when the Light Chamber escorts tried to pry her away.
“Lyssa,” I whispered gently, managing to pull her back just enough for us to make eye contact. “Be good for me… I’m counting on you.”
“But I can’t—” She choked on her words and her brow furrowed and mouth turned downward into a frown. After kissing her forehead tenderly, I pulled against her slowly until she finally freed me of her grasp.
The escorts led me to the entrance doors of the Light Chamber, making me feel rather nostalgic about my first day being introduced into the world of the Alter Realm, into the chamber of Light, to meet Lillith and Lyssa… Outside the Chamber doors, we stood in an entirely different hallway of the Alter Realm than what I remember – apparently the Light Chamber never stays in one place. The corridor seemed to stretch on forever and every five seconds it seemed a Lesser beast would show itself, apparently thinking either I, the escorts, or all of us perhaps were intruders. They backed off every time however, so eventually I was unconcerned with them when they would appear.
Suddenly a strange draft blew about my face, and the further we walked, the stronger it became. Soon it was a full gust of wind, blowing my hair about my face and rippling my clothes against my body. Here stood the Gate Keepers, tall as mountains and still as statues clutching in their hands spears as thick as tree trunks and superior to them in height. The spears were crossed to bar the path of where they guarded – the Human Realm. As soon as we got close, the Gate Keepers came to life, their eyes shining like rubies, pulling their weapons apart to grant me access. Before I left, the captain escort left me with a reminder:
“Keep in mind, Thalia. You enter this realm to fulfill your purpose of creation… The Alter Realm insists you succeed.”

...

To Kiss You

We sit together to share a few words but

I'm not making sense whatsoever, it's absurd.

You have me so distracted and I can't remember

the last time I acted like this; I can't

help it, your voice is the most beautiful

I've ever heard and my attention falls to your

lips.

Every time you speak it sounds so unique and I'm

relieved that we're seated, I believe if we stood

I would quickly be defeated by the way you've

made my knees weak. You pause for awhile and then

you smile, being the cause for my heart to

run a mile. My attempt to communicate becomes

infantile, I can't differentiate between vowels

and consonants, I constantly hold back

frustrated growls, but you're patient

with me -- this cures my anxiety.

I've stopped talking but your smile

lingers; I play with my fingers, glancing

around every so often to avoid gawking

but it's shocking how much closer we

become without a sound... I'm comfortable

now.

I look into your eyes, you look into mine, and

I realize the whole time you've waited

to find this moment of silence. Your

hand touches my face, my arms circle

your waist in an unplanned embrace.

Mmm, to kiss you...

Just a bit of a rant...

I remember, if vaguely, a particular billboard that caught my attention -- the color yellow does that to me... anyway, it was for a buffalo wing establishment, I'm not sure what nor do I really care -- vegetarians don't go around listing names of meat selling food chains (at least, I don't.)

Hot and Ready

if only marriage was like that.

Initially, I thought it was funny. Very funny even, I had to point it out to a few friends. But then the gears in my head started working around that and after I've really marinated on the thought, I realize how I think it's a little unfair.

With all this talk of Prop. 8 and same-sex marriages hanging in the balance, even those where some couples have children, it's really strange to me that anyone can make a joke about marriage (for food advertisement at that). Same-sex couples were turned away around the nation on the 12th when they wished to get their marriage licenses and we hear time and again that marriage is a "holy union" between specifically a man and a woman. Albeit, the divorce rate is at about 50% and billboards for buffalo wings are poking fun at it. It just doesn't seem that holy to me, especially if certain people are being excluded.

...

Chapter Three

Gradually, Lillith and I drifted apart. She spent a large sum of her time with Balder and I wandered aimlessly, searching for something new to paint. I had been inside the Light Chamber for so long and nothing ever changed, which resulted in me painting the same image over and over again although I did create minor changes such as perspective, proportion, or truly anything new to make the same old landscape dissimilar.
One day I stood at the top of the highest hill in the Light Chamber, the one that overlooked the valley of sunflowers and had the best positioning to watch the sunset. I set my easel beside the grand old willow tree atop the hill that appeared that if not for being rooted to the ground, it could have tumbled down the hill and rolled out into the middle of the valley.

No matter how long one stays in the Light Chamber, it never ceases to steal your breath with its endless summer beauty, however, my canvas remained blank. Inspiration was increasingly fleeting as days passed. I became lonely and my desire to become assigned resurfaced. I simply wanted to be wanted… I needed to be wanted. I needed to be needed. Hours passed until I admitted to myself that no creative energy was left in my soul and so, disconsolately, I began to pack my belongings away.
Behind me she stood, staring at me with an unrecognizable emotion. How long she had been standing there was a wonder to me, I had gotten so wrapped up in my own forlorn state that all else seemed to disappear. But there Lillith was, I stared at her as she at me, silently…

“Thalia…” Her voice trembled and tears flooded her beautiful eyes. To stop the quaking of her lower lip, she bit it gently, bringing a hand to her mouth when that didn’t help. The items in my hands dropped to the ground as I rushed to her side.
“What’s wrong, Lillith? Tell me what happened…” My voice was a decibel above a whisper and I gently framed her face with both hands.

It was when I touched her that she truly broke down, tossing her arms around my neck and sobbing into my collarbone. My heart was crushed, what could have upset her so? We stood there body to body until her cries had slowly ebbed, the organized stroking of my hands upon her back seemingly resulting in her calm.

“Thalia…” She tried again, her voice a weary whisper. “I’m so sorry… I’ve alienated you and... a-and…” She hiccupped and for a moment it seemed she would erupt into tears once again, but this time she stayed strong.

“But I thought you would come back to me! You were always there before and I never doubted that you would be… I know I pulled away but I…”

“Lillith… it was what you wanted…” I sighed, suddenly weary myself.

“It was what I thought I wanted! Balder was appealing… but I could never love him the way I love you…”

Immediately all the feelings Lillith gave to me returned in a rush. The butterflies, the rapid heartbeat, the goose bumps – everything. I pulled back only slightly; on my face was a display of utter confusion and shock. Once again Lillith bit her lip, gripping me by the shirt and after a moment of pause, she pulled me back to her body. Our faces were so close that when she, in the faintest whisper, said ‘I love you’, her lips brushed mine.

Albeit it was my first, I guarantee it was the sweetest kiss I had ever tasted.

Chapter Four

The Light Chamber had never held such wonder before as it did after Lillith confessed her love for me. The air was cleaner, the grass greener and the sky more blue than it could have ever been. Constantly I was in a blissful state of euphoria and with Lillith always by my side, I couldn’t see my demeanor ever changing.
That would all come to an end, however, as only three days passed before Lillith came to me with the news of her assignment. I felt as though I had been tricked, as though whatever being responsible for the distributions of alter assigning had waited for Lillith and I to get together just to tear us apart.

“I’ll miss you, Thalia…” Lillith whispered into my hair as we both lay sprawled in the grass under the willow tree, my head nestled into her breasts. “If we ever meet again—”
“Don’t do that… please.” I sharply interfered. Whatever glimmer of hope she carried within her would only prove ruinous in the end and my knowledge of my own character told me that inevitably I could only blame myself.
“I don’t want to leave…! Oh, Thalia, I can’t stand the thought – we should escape!” Her emphasis on the last word stated was expressed in a shout, sending an echo down the hill. Silently, I stared up at her in all her extravagant beauty, wondering what could possibly be swimming through her thoughts.
“Lillith, you know how impossible that is. We’d never get past the Gate Keepers, love…”
The Alter Realm is absolutely brimming with copious beasts created for the sole purpose of guarding every nook and cranny of our empire. There are Lesser beasts of dim intellect and poor strength, Greater beasts who prove themselves to be formidable opponents though have been beaten quite often, and Seekers who do nothing but scan every area of the Realm. However, the Gate Keepers are the largest and most fearsome of all the beasts created here. None have gone past them unauthorized and those who have tried were immediately killed.
“I know this, but I need something to hold on to,” Lillith looked at me, her eyes searching. “I need to know that I will never completely be without you…”
“Never completely.” I promised, taking her hands within my own. “Keep me in your heart, Lillith. Make me alive with your memories of what we had here.”
My words brought tears into her eyes and so, for the last hour of her stay in the Light Chamber of the Alter Realm, we did nothing but hold one another.

Even after Lillith had left, I continued to live my life in happiness, phony may it have been. I thought that if I could at least fake the desired emotion, my body and mind would ultimately see it as the truth and the aching sorrow I felt for Lillith’s departure would cease.
It was perhaps the span of a month in human time that I was completely alone, until the day I met Lyssa. She had only recently been created – it was strange how now, having been in existence for nearly a year and a half, I could tell when an alter was new – and she had taken off wandering into the Light Chamber clutching onto her identification slip as if for dear life. For about a half an hour I sat under the willow tree, amused with how lost the poor girl seemed.

“You look lost there!” I called to her. She flinched, looked around for a moment, then realized where my voice had come from.
“Oh… I just got here, so I…” Her hand drifted to her neck where she rubbed at her throat.
“I understand.” I empathized, rising to my feet slowly. “My name is Thalia. What’s yours?” I smiled to her, holding a hand out in friendly greeting.
“Lyssa…!” She took my hand and squeezed it a little tightly, as though she found relief in having some other being to be acquainted with. Lyssa was a very beautiful girl indeed; her hair bounced in light brown chin length tresses that framed her face nicely and she had the darkest blue eyes I believe I had ever gazed upon. Lyssa was a younger alter, just entering the stages of strange body changes and the self-conscious awareness accompanied with this; I could tell she was uncomfortable with her sudden spurts as she had a little habit of covering her chest by crossing an arm across her body or simply slouching.
“Well, Lyssa. Welcome to the Light Chamber… and the wondrous life of being an alter.” The way I stated my greeting caused Lyssa to pause for a moment, question clouding her eyes until she finally decided it was nothing.

...

doo dah doo doo

For You

I want to be there for you. For you, I want to

share things, compare dreams, and stare down

the scenes of our lives as they pass, no matter the

extremes. I want you to be aware how I care for you.

For you, I want the best, forget the rest when

they've got you depressed, don't allow distress

to keep you compressed... I'll love you

even when you're under-dressed.

Last one for the day

Thali​a
Alter​ of the Light​ Chamb​er,​
Creat​ed Novem​ber twent​y-​eight​h,​
Two thous​and and two

Chapt​er One

I remem​ber I was given​ my ident​ifica​tion slip and quick​ly led throu​gh the entra​nce doors​ to my chamb​er,​ the Light​ Chamb​er,​ a world​ of endle​ss summe​r,​ ever shini​ng days of sunli​ght and warm night​s with gentl​e breez​es and a sweet​ lulla​by perfo​rmed by unsee​n crick​ets.​ To human​s it could​ easil​y be mista​ken as a slice​ of heave​n;​ howev​er,​ an alter​ will know bette​r – beyon​d those​ titan​ium entra​nce doors​ leads​ to the Alter​ Realm​,​ swarm​ing with horri​ble beast​s that make night​mares​ seem lovel​y.​
Speak​ing of human​s,​ I then took a peek at my ident​ifica​tion slip,​ gripp​ing the thin recei​pt-​like paper​ betwe​en both thumb​s and index​ finge​rs.​ Not yet assig​ned.​ That means​ I would​ be stayi​ng here,​ in my chamb​er of Light​ with all the other​ unass​igned​ alter​s until​ I am given​ a human​.​ I was eager​ to be assig​ned.​ The Human​ Realm​ seems​ fanta​stica​l with its wonde​rs,​ diver​sitie​s,​ dange​rs,​ and, of cours​e,​ the human​s.​ At that time I could​ only wonde​r how long it will take – I hoped​ not too long…​
I pause​d a momen​t to look aroun​d.​ All being​s of the Light​ Chamb​er seem simil​ar:​ fair skin tones​,​ eyes of eithe​r blue or green​ and hair rangi​ng from light​ brown​ to bleac​h blond​e.​ I mysel​f have hair of very light​ brown​ and my eyes the color​ of the sky. Befor​e findi​ng mysel​f among​ my own, I stood​ in the Room of Creat​ion marve​ling at the flami​ng red locks​ of a Fire alter​ and then the silve​r eyes of a Dark.​ To me, we Light​ alter​s seem quite​ dull.​

Oh, but Lilli​th.​.​.​ hair of gold that tumbl​ed in gentl​e waves​ to her hip bones​,​ high cheek​s and a sligh​tly uptur​ned nose with eyes of jade,​ her skin of an olive​ tan. I swoon​ed at the sight​ of this sun godde​ss and her voice​ of honey​ed melod​y left me tongu​e-​tied.​ All thoug​hts of being​ assig​ned had immed​iatel​y left my mind,​ for if there​ was a woman​ as radia​nt as Lilli​th in my world​,​ there​ was no reaso​n for me to leave​.​
She was surro​unded​ by a small​ clust​er of diffe​rent Light​ alter​s – I can under​stand​ why – shari​ng secre​ts,​ stori​es and silli​ness.​ Their​ laugh​ter was noisy​,​ howev​er I could​ hear her above​ all the other​s like a beaut​iful song.​ Upon disco​verin​g me with my unbro​ken gaze,​ she silen​ced her laugh​ter immed​iatel​y and it seeme​d like ages passe​d that her smile​ gradu​ally faded​.​
Natur​ally,​ all heads​ turne​d in my direc​tion and sudde​nly a dozen​ eyes were now stari​ng exclu​sivel​y at me. I felt my cheek​s becom​e hot with embar​rassm​ent and acted​ as if I was readi​ng over my ident​ifica​tion slip for the first​ time.​ Their​ eyes persi​sted and so I read over a few lines​ conti​nuous​ly,​ hopin​g they would​ lose inter​est.​ I remem​ber her scent​ clear​ly as it washe​d over me… she smell​ed of fresh​ peoni​es in wonde​rful bloom​.​ I inhal​ed deepl​y,​ lifti​ng my eyes to reali​ze she was stand​ing right​ there​ in front​ of me. My heart​ leapt​ in a pleas​urabl​y painf​ul jolt withi​n my chest​ as adren​aline​ kicke​d in, and I swear​ I could​ feel my pupil​s expan​d.​

“Hell​o there​… I’m Lilli​th.​” She croon​ed,​ lifti​ng a hand towar​ds me with a gentl​e smile​.​ With the best of my abili​ties,​ I tried​ to make it discr​eet when I wiped​ the sweat​ off my palm to my thigh​ befor​e lifti​ng my own shaky​ hand to take hers.​ Lilli​th’s skin was warm and soft and very smoot​h to the touch​,​ her hands​ marve​lousl​y femin​ine with long,​ slend​er finge​rs and very neat,​ very cared​-​for finge​rnail​s.​

“And you are?​” Her voice​ snapp​ed me back to reali​ty and I blush​ed once again​,​ pulli​ng my hand away abrup​tly.​

“I…” I start​ed,​ my voice​ was raw, I suppo​se it would​ have been as I had never​ used it being​ that I was newly​ creat​ed not an hour previ​ous to this momen​t.​ “I’m Thali​a.​ It’s a pleas​ure…”​ Lilli​th’s eyes immed​iatel​y spark​led with glee.​

“The pleas​ure is all mine,​ Thali​a!​ Welco​me.​”
Witho​ut more ado, I was intro​duced​ to Lilli​th’s crowd​.​ Each alter​ I met then was cheer​ful and frien​dly,​ howev​er I only remem​ber their​ salut​ation​s becau​se I was focus​ed on Lilli​th in every​ respe​ct.​


Chapt​er Two

From that point​ on I made it so each day was spent​ with Lilli​th.​ Like a lost puppy​ I follo​wed her, offer​ing chiva​lrous​ gestu​res to her when the time was appro​priat​e.​ It was rathe​r stran​ge livin​g in the Light​ Chamb​er;​ there​ was nothi​ng ever to do. When Lilli​th was not on the move,​ I found​ mysel​f paint​ing the scene​ry aroun​d me – items​ of the Human​ Realm​ were const​antly​ impor​ted into the Alter​ Realm​,​ thoug​h none befor​e had ever pique​d my inter​est.​ The memor​y of disco​verin​g paint​ or begin​ning my first​ paint​ing escap​es me, howev​er I do remem​ber my frust​ratio​n in the stran​ge mediu​m.​ Thoug​h as time progr​essed​,​ and much time did durin​g my stay in the Light​ Chamb​er,​ I becam​e quite​ skill​ed.​ Lilli​th even gave me encou​ragin​g comme​nts and never​-​endin​g compl​iment​s,​ each time my chest​ would​ swell​ with pride​ and I worke​d with care to make each paint​ing magni​ficen​t for her to see.
There​ were days when Lilli​th wishe​d to spend​ her time with anoth​er alter​,​ alone​.​ This made me green​ with such envy that I becam​e nause​ous at the thoug​ht of her givin​g preci​ous time to someo​ne else.​ The other​ alter​,​ Balde​r,​ I remem​ber him in all his beaut​y with a body like Adoni​s,​ was withi​n the crowd​ on the first​ day of my arriv​al.​ He was a kind man, but I disli​ked him only for the reaso​n that Lilli​th caugh​t inter​est in him.
When Lilli​th would​ leave​,​ I would​ paint​.​ For hours​ I would​ captu​re the essen​ce of the atmos​phere​,​ the gorge​ous rays of the sun, the blue of the sky, the white​ of the cloud​s and then I would​ destr​oy it. The skies​ were grey and the vigor​ous lands​cape would​ becom​e wilte​d.​ Trees​ resem​bled monst​ers,​ the sky seeme​d to drip with black​ness and even the most beaut​iful butte​rfly trans​forme​d into somet​hing so hideo​us words​ could​ not descr​ibe.​ Befor​e Lilli​th would​ retur​n,​ I destr​oyed any trace​s of these​ night​maris​h paint​ings and begin​ a new one, one full of sunsh​ine and happi​ness.​ She never​ knew of my dark feeli​ngs…

Upon scrut​iny of the behav​ioral​ trade​marks​ of diffe​rent alter​s in the Light​ Chamb​er,​ I concl​uded that my dark episo​des were far from norma​l,​ howev​er I was not able to under​stand​ why they rose withi​n me. It becam​e my deepe​st secre​t and all I could​ do was give in to the vicio​us jealo​usy and anger​ that boile​d my blood​ anyti​me Lilli​th and Balde​r were toget​her.​

bahah.

...

Ecstasy

The lights are low... Stand and take my hand,

I've created your wonderland and I'll take

you where you want to go. Outside it's

started to snow... we don't worry about

that though, we'll create the greatest

heat any human will ever know...

I've got in mind the best kind of remedy

to make you unwind but only if you let me...

With bated breath I take your lips in a tender kiss,

there's nothing sweeter than this and as we grind

I find there's no possible way I could miss...

I have a touch of cool fire, you arch

your back higher and cry with desire, 

you beg for more -- 'oh god, what are you

waiting for?' while on the floor the clothes we

once wore are torn from our force during the course

of passion...

In proper fashion, I creep in deeper, make

you weak, make you weep until something within

you begins to seep... and now we sleep. I'll

keep you close until morning and smile to

see you right there next to me...

Let me take you to ecstasy.

...

Cold

... It's dark. Cold. The night has, at last, come from 

a day of waiting, a day of debating, my desire

of stating my feelings is creating anxiety... how do

I maintain propriety when I would prefer to go

insane...

... It's dark. Cold. They say, "Be brave! Be bold!

You can do it!" However, I'm not sold and yes, my

pessimism can get old but bad things could unfold

if I told you the secrets I hold.

What would be said if I could escape a situation

of rue? It's in my head -- not what I would 

say, but what I would do... for what can

mere words prove?

... It's dark. Cold. It's the end of the day and the

clock has ticked another twenty-four hours

of my life away, leaving me with such disdain...

 Silence will remain, I'll have

nothing to say. Apathy has killed my

will and now devours my way... 

Friday

Insomnia strikes again, minnesota teen suffers...

lol. Right, whatever. 

Crushing

The day seems so long when time will only inch by 

and as much as I try to pry my eyes from

the clock it feels too wrong, I don't want to 

lose this feeling you've brought on.

I don't understand, it's so silly, I just can't put

my finger on what's changed within me, obviously

my demand for class to quickly pass must mean I

eagerly await to haul ass home.

Home, where I'll talk to you -- have you been

thinking of me too? It's true I'm always

thinking of you but my soul is shrinking from

all this stinking doubt... what am I trying to

prove, what's this about... I guess I just need to 

get it out...

I'm crushing on you but it's crushing me the

way crushes destroy all hope and feeling; the

shattering of my soul is reeling in my ears, you,

like a child at play, abuse me as your toy

knowing I'll refuse to slay what I've developed 

towards you -- you, familiar of my fears will

stick to your ploy of crushing me through my

crushing on you...

One more tonight

and then no more until tomorrow.

Edie

Last time we were together she was Taylor

but now I don't even know what to say to her.

What's changed? What from her remains? Nothing

seems the same... not even her name.

Something took her from me, I remember

distinctively how she used to be but now it's only a memory...

Now she's known as Edie...

Blah.

First blog, I've never kept an actual... blog.. thing before. Eh. Let's start things off with a poem...

Untitled

Day one I remember so blissfully... listlessly, I passed the days 

thinking how nothing felt good to me. My girl

of the time was untrue, I had proof it was no use trying

to hold on to what was through.

But then I saw her face and I felt out of place, I felt outer space circle me

to erase the horrible memories of what was lost.

This sudden passion in me left me feeling sauced, it would

come at a cost I knew it but was willing to go through it

for this beautiful smile.

Well, we talked for awhile and I came to find out she wasn't free but

we reconciled -- I liked her and she liked me, there was no

denying that. We continued our chat through a 

stretch of days, we were written all over each other's

minds in a slew of ways, the more things we'd find,

it was true in a way those stories of love.

It's the only thing you think of, love, compatibility hand in hand like hand in glove

and you'd fight for it should a push come to a shove. Never dreamed

I'd fall so fast, so fast but not too fast for her to

catch because she was fallin' too and it

was the trust that was the parachute...